.bleaching your brown eye.

I had never heard about anal bleaching until I saw the movie Bridesmaids.  Now I find it humourous and speak of it frequently.

For how-to instructions: http://www.bleachbum.com/anal-bleaching-techniques.html

(Please note - I do not have first hand experience at this a.k.a. try at your own risk)

xoxo
 ♥berlin™

And the dieting begins...again.

.just a brief side note.

I generally work for free for about 1/2 hour each day {i.e. lunch break} not because I have nothing better to do with myself but because I hate when work is left undone at the end of the day.  Today however I have had enough for the morning and decided to lunch.  Great.  It worked for about 5 minutes.  The exact amount of time it took me to wolf down my left over spaghetti from last evening.  Twenty minutes left of idle time and idle brain.

I figured now would be a good time to check my email since I routinely rush through it and never respond {horrible person}.  Thankfully it is usually just junk {spam about Viagra!} or silly forwards that don't require much thought.  I also subscribe to Free Book Friday which offers, you guessed it, free books on Fridays!

With all this time on my hands I began reading the site in a bit more detail.  It seems as if I failed to notice a key part when entering for the free books each week.  I assumed that I would be notified via email if I ever won because you input your name and email address to enter.  Never do I ever remember the saying about assuming.  Apparently, I need to check the site EACH FRIDAY to see if I have won.  Ooops.


xoxo
 ♥berlin™

How sweet is it that my 4 year old has offered to pay for our trip with the money in his turtle bank?

War Part II

War has begun once again in our home. I don't know if you would consider this a continuation of the last time or if it would be a new war because we're on different soil. Nevertheless, we're up against the same opponents and they seem to have the upper hand. They've gone unnoticed for some time, partying hard when we're fast asleep or not home. But someone got sloppy and dropped some of their shookum in random places. We are armed with peanutbutter, cheese, traps and poison. All I have to say is Bring. It. On.

.national asshole day.

I'm all by myself at the front desk today and usually there are 3 of us working.  I have had every obnoxious and difficult patient walk through the door or call this morning and have no where to go with them.  I've spent all morning apologizing for something a} I didn't do and b} I have no control over.  What is this, National Asshole Day?  Sorry you feel the doctor is no entitled to a day off and no it is none of your business where he is or what he is doing.  For all you know, he could be ill himself.  I am not liking today...not at all.  Someone please throw me under a bus.  Oh! I almost forgot that Jen Lancaster is on Today this morning!  I may have a chance of actually seeing it as I don't have cable at home.  That's right we live Little House on the Prarie style.

20 minutes later...

What are the odds that the 4 phone lines stayed quiet and nobody walked through the door long enough for me to watch Jen Lancaster on Today?  I'm just sayin...

xoxo
 ♥berlin™

.i need my fix.

Day 16/349

Dear Sirs:

It has come to my attention that it has been entirely too long since I have shopped in a big girl store.  I have shopped and shopped and shopped in Target {no hard feelings, you're still my true love} for the past uncountable number of months due to this damn moving thing BUT I need my fix.

I need NY & Co., Ann Taylor Loft, Banana Republic, Bakers, Macy's...SOMETHING with style.  Again, no offense Target you have lovely style.  Especially with the new Liberty of London products.  I just need to go shopping in my big girl shoes sans stroller.

If you could make this possible at some point in time, please notify my secretary so I can pencil it in.

xoxo 

♥berlin™

.mmm goldfish.

Day 15/350

Hooray!  We're finally getting a fridge!! Not that we didn't have one at all.  Our lovely old neighbors lent us a college sized fridge to get by until we were able to get a regular sized refrigerator.  Our first week in the house was a total liveoutofacooler week.  Then my boss was trying to be helpful and gave us a refrigerator from an apartment that they emptied out a year ago.  Over an hour of inhaling a mixture of mold and bleach fumes and 24 hours of electricity later we find out it's only blowing hot air.  Great if it's cold in the house...we could just leave the door open and it would be like one of those heated fans.  Needless to say, it went on the porch.  So then we fit in with the rest of the neighborhood.  Anyway...said fridge was supposed to come at 12pm today.  Yeah.  We alllll know how that goes.  I was shocked when it arrived at 4:30pm.  Mind you it came in a Pepperidge Farms™ truck with some pretty creepy looking men.  I know it's their job to bring the new fridge in and set it up and make sure it works but hey, when you're home alone with a 4 year old boy and you freak out about just going grocery shopping by yourself because you have some unrealistic anxiety issues, it's a no go.  Please please just take your fishie truck and be out.  I immediately started having nightmares while I was awake about the men breaking back into my house and attacking me.  Caleb, put on your Batman cape and your Bumblebee helmet and save mommy.  You guessed it, immediately locked the door and peeked out the blinds to make sure that the truck left with both men inside {while yelling at Caleb to get away from the window and stop waving at the men}.  Ok  ~ maybe they were just delivering a fridge.  But don't say I didn't warn ya.

xoxo 

♥berlin™

.is this for real.

Day 5/360

The bedroom is done!  All it needs is the little princesses to make it complete.  There is still no electric but my new found friends at the store in front of our apartment have assisted me in finding our meter.  Our address is an entire block and a half away from the building in front of us.  Not quite sure who numbered the houses.  Does that mean our lease isn't even valid?  Our electric will be on by tomorrow at 3:00pm.  I guess we'll find out which is our right address by 3:01pm.  If not, someone else in our neighborhood will be very happy that they have electric and they're not paying for it.

It's not worth worrying over today.  It is cinco de mayo and time for margaritas at Pacifico!

xoxo 

♥berlin™

.it's only day 4.

Day 4/361

The smell has not left.  Maybe something died in the woods behind our house.  I think I'd prefer that over sewage.

Around 11:30am this morning Eli called me at work to let me know we have no electric.  I honestly don't even want to know what's next.  I called PPL to switch the electric over to my name assuming that the landlord took his name off the account since we started moving in.  Never assume.  You know that saying... it makes an ass out of u and me?  Yeah.  Proved it.  I'm sorry ma'am...the address you gave me is not a valid address.  What?? How is this possible?? This is the address on my lease, on my change of address form, and on my new #%(*$U# checks from the bank?  Well I suggest that you either call your landlord to get the correct address or get the meter number and we will be glad to assist you.

Arrrrgh!! Don't they have techs for this?  Doesn't somebody get paid to come out and figure these things out?  If not, there should be.  I was planning on working until about 8pm tonight however this house crap has me so frustrated that I couldn't even function. 

When I arrived home I was surprised to find that Eli and Uncle Darrell painted the girls room a lovely "pink ribbon".  Ms. Iliketopaintinthedark showed up to paint unexpectedly and was slightly upset {and itching up a storm} to find it was half way finished already.  Well helloooo the place was empty for how many months before we moved in?  I'm sorry but it doesn't take a freakin week to paint one room.  The painting will continue tomorrow considering the color prior looked like shiny shit smeared on the walls so that will take multiple coats to cover.  Oh yeah, and light helps.  Once that's done the girls' bedroom will be decorated with cute little cuddly owls and hedgehogs.

xoxo ♥berlin™