.just a brief side note.

I generally work for free for about 1/2 hour each day {i.e. lunch break} not because I have nothing better to do with myself but because I hate when work is left undone at the end of the day.  Today however I have had enough for the morning and decided to lunch.  Great.  It worked for about 5 minutes.  The exact amount of time it took me to wolf down my left over spaghetti from last evening.  Twenty minutes left of idle time and idle brain.

I figured now would be a good time to check my email since I routinely rush through it and never respond {horrible person}.  Thankfully it is usually just junk {spam about Viagra!} or silly forwards that don't require much thought.  I also subscribe to Free Book Friday which offers, you guessed it, free books on Fridays!

With all this time on my hands I began reading the site in a bit more detail.  It seems as if I failed to notice a key part when entering for the free books each week.  I assumed that I would be notified via email if I ever won because you input your name and email address to enter.  Never do I ever remember the saying about assuming.  Apparently, I need to check the site EACH FRIDAY to see if I have won.  Ooops.


xoxo
 ♥berlin™

How sweet is it that my 4 year old has offered to pay for our trip with the money in his turtle bank?

War Part II

War has begun once again in our home. I don't know if you would consider this a continuation of the last time or if it would be a new war because we're on different soil. Nevertheless, we're up against the same opponents and they seem to have the upper hand. They've gone unnoticed for some time, partying hard when we're fast asleep or not home. But someone got sloppy and dropped some of their shookum in random places. We are armed with peanutbutter, cheese, traps and poison. All I have to say is Bring. It. On.

.national asshole day.

I'm all by myself at the front desk today and usually there are 3 of us working.  I have had every obnoxious and difficult patient walk through the door or call this morning and have no where to go with them.  I've spent all morning apologizing for something a} I didn't do and b} I have no control over.  What is this, National Asshole Day?  Sorry you feel the doctor is no entitled to a day off and no it is none of your business where he is or what he is doing.  For all you know, he could be ill himself.  I am not liking today...not at all.  Someone please throw me under a bus.  Oh! I almost forgot that Jen Lancaster is on Today this morning!  I may have a chance of actually seeing it as I don't have cable at home.  That's right we live Little House on the Prarie style.

20 minutes later...

What are the odds that the 4 phone lines stayed quiet and nobody walked through the door long enough for me to watch Jen Lancaster on Today?  I'm just sayin...

xoxo
 ♥berlin™

.i need my fix.

Day 16/349

Dear Sirs:

It has come to my attention that it has been entirely too long since I have shopped in a big girl store.  I have shopped and shopped and shopped in Target {no hard feelings, you're still my true love} for the past uncountable number of months due to this damn moving thing BUT I need my fix.

I need NY & Co., Ann Taylor Loft, Banana Republic, Bakers, Macy's...SOMETHING with style.  Again, no offense Target you have lovely style.  Especially with the new Liberty of London products.  I just need to go shopping in my big girl shoes sans stroller.

If you could make this possible at some point in time, please notify my secretary so I can pencil it in.

xoxo 

♥berlin™

.mmm goldfish.

Day 15/350

Hooray!  We're finally getting a fridge!! Not that we didn't have one at all.  Our lovely old neighbors lent us a college sized fridge to get by until we were able to get a regular sized refrigerator.  Our first week in the house was a total liveoutofacooler week.  Then my boss was trying to be helpful and gave us a refrigerator from an apartment that they emptied out a year ago.  Over an hour of inhaling a mixture of mold and bleach fumes and 24 hours of electricity later we find out it's only blowing hot air.  Great if it's cold in the house...we could just leave the door open and it would be like one of those heated fans.  Needless to say, it went on the porch.  So then we fit in with the rest of the neighborhood.  Anyway...said fridge was supposed to come at 12pm today.  Yeah.  We alllll know how that goes.  I was shocked when it arrived at 4:30pm.  Mind you it came in a Pepperidge Farms™ truck with some pretty creepy looking men.  I know it's their job to bring the new fridge in and set it up and make sure it works but hey, when you're home alone with a 4 year old boy and you freak out about just going grocery shopping by yourself because you have some unrealistic anxiety issues, it's a no go.  Please please just take your fishie truck and be out.  I immediately started having nightmares while I was awake about the men breaking back into my house and attacking me.  Caleb, put on your Batman cape and your Bumblebee helmet and save mommy.  You guessed it, immediately locked the door and peeked out the blinds to make sure that the truck left with both men inside {while yelling at Caleb to get away from the window and stop waving at the men}.  Ok  ~ maybe they were just delivering a fridge.  But don't say I didn't warn ya.

xoxo 

♥berlin™

.is this for real.

Day 5/360

The bedroom is done!  All it needs is the little princesses to make it complete.  There is still no electric but my new found friends at the store in front of our apartment have assisted me in finding our meter.  Our address is an entire block and a half away from the building in front of us.  Not quite sure who numbered the houses.  Does that mean our lease isn't even valid?  Our electric will be on by tomorrow at 3:00pm.  I guess we'll find out which is our right address by 3:01pm.  If not, someone else in our neighborhood will be very happy that they have electric and they're not paying for it.

It's not worth worrying over today.  It is cinco de mayo and time for margaritas at Pacifico!

xoxo 

♥berlin™

.it's only day 4.

Day 4/361

The smell has not left.  Maybe something died in the woods behind our house.  I think I'd prefer that over sewage.

Around 11:30am this morning Eli called me at work to let me know we have no electric.  I honestly don't even want to know what's next.  I called PPL to switch the electric over to my name assuming that the landlord took his name off the account since we started moving in.  Never assume.  You know that saying... it makes an ass out of u and me?  Yeah.  Proved it.  I'm sorry ma'am...the address you gave me is not a valid address.  What?? How is this possible?? This is the address on my lease, on my change of address form, and on my new #%(*$U# checks from the bank?  Well I suggest that you either call your landlord to get the correct address or get the meter number and we will be glad to assist you.

Arrrrgh!! Don't they have techs for this?  Doesn't somebody get paid to come out and figure these things out?  If not, there should be.  I was planning on working until about 8pm tonight however this house crap has me so frustrated that I couldn't even function. 

When I arrived home I was surprised to find that Eli and Uncle Darrell painted the girls room a lovely "pink ribbon".  Ms. Iliketopaintinthedark showed up to paint unexpectedly and was slightly upset {and itching up a storm} to find it was half way finished already.  Well helloooo the place was empty for how many months before we moved in?  I'm sorry but it doesn't take a freakin week to paint one room.  The painting will continue tomorrow considering the color prior looked like shiny shit smeared on the walls so that will take multiple coats to cover.  Oh yeah, and light helps.  Once that's done the girls' bedroom will be decorated with cute little cuddly owls and hedgehogs.

xoxo ♥berlin™

.horrific smell.

Day 3/362 {Monday}

First day back to work and I feel like this has been one never ending week.  We have been going non~stop for the past three days with the exception of the boxing match the other night.  We are still fridgeless and unpainted.  Again with the 9pm phone call about painting.  Not happening.  I don't know what kind of schedule other people live on but in this house we sleep at night.  Thank goodness for friends and relatives because this house is unfit for adults let alone children.  GiGi is having a great time at Grandma's house and apparently has half of Lancaster wrapped around her tiny 2 year old finger.  Caleb has been spending the majority of the time at his TiTi's {a.k.a. aunt} house while we attempt to make our home look a little bit less like a scene from Cops.  As of last night our painter was coming this morning at 9am {Gee! A normal time!} to work on the girl's bedroom.  It is now 4:30pm and there's been no sign of coming.  I believe I would have a better chance of a U.F.O. sighting at this point.  

We have the majority of the house emptied out, the kitchen scrubbed, carpets steam cleaned, and furniture in place.  Have I mentioned this is exhausting and why did we not hire professional movers to do this?  I walked into the boys bedroom this afternoon and it smells like somebody dropped a deuce.  Our neighbor tells us this is a familiar smell because of all the apartments being on the same septic system but the problem was supposed to have been fixed.  Greeeeeeeeat.

 Oh!  Oh!  I spotted my first dumpster diver tonight.  I've heard of it.  I know people who have done it or a variation such as garbage picking.  Never seen it.  You will not, I repeat, will NOT find me anywhere remotely close to a dumpster or diving in such a thing.

At this point we seem to be having some sort of misadventures of moving to Quakertown so I have a feeling I'll be posting quite frequently for your amusement and my own someday.

xoxo

♥berlin™

.why did we do this again?.

Day 2/363

Where did I aquire all this stuff?! I need to start moving more often... moving was so much more simplistic when I didn't stay in the same place for 4+ years. I also didn't have children at that time so that *may* be part of it HOWEVER it seems as if I have enough to furnish an entire small third world county.

There is so much work to be done in order for us to live here. I think I may have had blinders over my eyes when we originally looked at the apartment. Maybe it was because we were getting so frustrated with the house being for sale and constantly having to rearrange our schedules and leave at a moments notice for the realtors and prospective buyers to come in and criticize our way of living. Do you know how hard that is to do with one working car and opposite work schedules?? I must say, real estate agents are some of the most arrogant people I have ever met {at least in this current situation}. At any rate... I am itchy, cut up from shards of glass, dirtier than I've ever been in my life, bleached, and just plain exhausted and it's only day 2.

Oh yeah, and the "painter"? She was painting when we went for the keys yesterday... said she was "slapping a coat on the bathroom" and then had to leave for another job but she'd be back by 7 to paint again. Yeah. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck yesterday. Slapping a coat in the bathroom is exactly what she did. I hope there's another coat to be slapped because we have some nice white streaks showing through the cream paint...or maybe it's a new decorative effect that I'm not up to speed on. Our phone rang at 9pm when we were finally taking a break and leaving the house to watch the boxing match {Go Mayweather!}. Come over and paint at 10pm when I'm not home and all my gorgeous hand~me~downs are already moved in? Go take another hit off your crack pipe.

xoxo
♥berlin™

.cape cod smack in the middle of the trailer park.

Day 1/364



Moving is never fun...but every other move that I've done is a picnic compared to this. First day moving to the new house and guess what?!?! THE PLACE ISN'T PAINTED YET.

We also got to meet {one of} our neighbors. She is the oh~so~not~professional painting our house. Mind you, the house has only been empty for 2 whole months sooooooooo there should have been ample time to paint two rooms and a hallway no?

To be continued....

xoxo

♥berlin™

.pussy soup for dinner.

it's not what you're thinking.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pussy+soup

xoxo
♥berlin™

workin our way to homeless

The house is up for sale...

There's nothing for rent in the area...

"Oh don't worry, this will be limited to a specific buyer type due to the size of the home"...

There's nothing affordable & big enough for rent in the area...

1.5 weeks later
"Someone has put an offer on the house"...

I called an apartment complex that has 3 bedroom apartments (vacant). I was told they'd be more than happy to let us come look at the apartment on Thursday. That is until...

Slow Lady: "How many of you are there?"

Me: "4...2 adults & 2 children; one is 4 years old and one is 2 1/2. There are 3 other children that visit occasionally but they do not reside with us."

Slow Lady: "Ok... see you... Thursday..."

Me: "OK great, we'll be there before 5pm."

Phone hangs up...and a total of 3 minutes ticks by.

Slow Lady: "Hello? Ms. *********?"

Me: "Speaking, how can I help you?"

Slow Lady: "Well I talked to my manager, and she thought you'd be better off on a first floor apartment... due to the children. You can check back with us the first week of April or May to see if anything will be opening up. We require 2 months notice when moving so move in would be....May or June..."

Me: "Umm..ok but the place we're in is getting sold and I need to know where I'm going. Can I maybe take a 2nd floor apartment and then switch to a first floor when one becomes available?"

Slow Lady: "No...you'll be locked in for a year when you move in... so please call us back, we'd love to have you"

Phone hangs up.

Yeah, you'd love to have us. Just not on the second floor.

f.t.p.

xoxo
♥berlin™

urinals for giants

So...at work today, we were seeing a patient for a driver's physical. For all commercial driver's licenses a urinalysis is required by law in order to pass the physical. For this, we conveniently have little "pee" cups located in both the mens & womens bathrooms. Today the men's room was "out of order". Great. Men are gross in the bathroom.

This particular gentleman was instructed to go to the bathroom and give a urine sample in said cup. He followed instructions...or so we thought.

The next person to use the bathroom, walked into the ladies room to find drops of pee all over the floor along with a sink full of urine. Now imagine if you will, our gorgeous new bathroom sinks. They are a shallow bowl that sits ON TOP OF the counter with almost a mosiac pattern inside it. Please read: THIS IS NOT A URINAL FOR GIANTS. PLEASE DIRECT ALL SPRAYS OF PISS OVER THE TOILET IN THE FUTURE. Thank you and have a nice day.

xoxo
♥berlin™